cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
