I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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