Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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