i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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