dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize