let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
