apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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