bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
