I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize