i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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