god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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