I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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