Define "chronic" masturbator.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
