My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize