yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
May the power of my ass compel you!!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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