She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We are two peas in an std pod
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
PANTIES FOUND
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
