Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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