Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
