i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
