Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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