my vag is so smooth its legendary
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
