you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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