I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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