i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
