your parents love me but you hate me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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