Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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