i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
