just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
