kristin has been a bad kristin
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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