i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
