Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
