The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
