I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
