I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
