O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize