Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
