Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
