I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
