corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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