Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
