is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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