i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
