before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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