I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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