I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
