ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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