My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
