I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
