I'm jealous of your bromance
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
