You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
