his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
