I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
