The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
