Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you made out with another girl for some wings
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
