I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
