I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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