he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
