its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
