I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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