His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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