Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
