Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
