dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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