Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
