Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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