i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
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I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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