dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
